Rewards and Challenges of Raising a Baby After 40

Lisa Silverstein may not see herself as a trendsetter, but she nonetheless is part of a growing national trend.

An Owings Mills resident who works in Beth El Congregation’s development department, Silverstein, 47, gave birth to Jordyn, her daughter and only child, 2½ years ago.

Increasingly, American women are choosing to become mothers — some for the first time — after the age of 40. A report issued last year by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that “the average age of first-time mothers increased by 1.4 years from 2000 to 2014 [to 26.3], with most of the increase occurring from 2009 to 2014.”

Furthermore, the report stated that between 2000 and 2014, first births to women age 30 to 34 increased by 28 percent while first births to women age 35 and over increased by 23 percent.

Women who choose motherhood after 40 face certain challenges that younger mothers don’t. But they also enjoy certain advantages.

After giving birth to Jordyn, Silverstein says she found herself without a peer group. “Most of my friends had 10-, 11-, 12-year-olds by that time,” she says. “They were so out of that [baby] phase.”

So for parenting advice, Silverstein relied mainly on her 74-year-old mother. “Mommy and Me” classes didn’t feel like a good fit. “I lived a whole life between 25 and 45,” Silverstein says. “I didn’t have much in common with moms in their 20s.”

So she and her partner, Eric Kahl, spent a great deal of time at home with Jordyn in the early months. “It was an adjustment,” she admits. “After 45 years of only worrying about me, I couldn’t do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. There was always another person to consider.”

The fact that Silverstein and Kahl’s relationship was still young was an added stressor. “I was afraid he would walk out the door,” she says. “I thought, ‘This guy didn’t sign up for this.’”

But that hasn’t happened. Instead, both parents fell in love with Jordyn, and Silverstein has embraced her new role.

Age wasn’t an obstacle for Cockeysville resident and Baltimore Hebrew congregant Jill Petschek, 61, when becoming a mother 20 years ago.

Petschek says she probably wouldn’t have been prepared for motherhood at 25. But when adopting Benjamin at 41, she was completely ready. When Benjamin was little, mother and baby took part in every early childhood activity in town.

Still, Petschek says she tended to gravitate toward befriending older moms. “We were just in a different stage of life,” she explains.

Parenthood, though entirely welcome, was initially an adjustment for Miriam Jacobson and her husband, David, who live in Owings Mills and belong to Temple Oheb Shalom. Miriam, who describes herself as a “late bloomer,” married at 39 and gave birth to their daughter, Eva, two weeks before her 42nd birthday.

“I figured it would either kill me or keep me young,” says Jacobson, now 63. Before becoming a mother, Jacobson had a high-powered career in Washington, D.C. Afterward, she went from full-time to part-time to consulting.

“I stopped working when she was a toddler,” says Jacobson. “I decided I’d rather make a mistake with my career than with parenting. There were times I missed work, but I would never trade it.”

Despite the age difference between Jacobson and other mothers in her community, she says she formed close relationships with the women she met through play groups and at Bet Yeladim Preschool in Columbia, where the family lived for several years. “It really didn’t matter how old we were,” she says.

Jacobson recognizes that her age raises concerns that likely aren’t front and center in the minds of younger moms.

“I think more about my legacy and mortality,” she says. “I may not make it to see my grandchildren. [When you’re older] you have a longer perspective. When I had Eva, more than half of my life was already over. I think that’s kind of different.”

Both Jacobson and Silverstein acknowledge the physical challenges of being an older mom. “During my pregnancy, I had every test I could have and listened to everything the doctor told me,” recalls Silverstein. “I had to do everything I could to keep her safe.”

Now, Silverstein says she finds herself in the incongruous position of having hot flashes while simultaneously contending with a screaming 2-year-old in the grocery aisle.

Still, Silverstein maintains that what she lacks in youthful vigor she makes up for in patience, maturity and experience. “If [Jordyn] covers herself head to toe in chocolate pudding, I don’t care,” she says. “Have fun! I know how fast time goes!”

Jacobson says she believes her age made her a better parent. “I had patience and perspective,” she says. “And I have an increasing awareness that life is precious. Having Eva was the best thing I ever did.”

Top photo: Lisa Silverstein, pictured with her daughter Jordyn, is loving motherhood over 40. (Photo by Jim Burger)