Will the Real Michael Bloomberg Please Stand Up?

Michael Bloomberg’s Democratic debate performance on Wednesdaynight, Feb. 19, was proof that all the money in the world can’t buy you apersonality.

Hate to say this about a guy who, at last count, had donateda reported $3.3 billion to our hometown’s most prestigious school, the JohnsHopkins University. That’s Bloomberg’s fabulous thank-you for giving him afirst-class education.

And yet, with the whole country watching the debate and searching for signs of life, the man who’s worth $60 billion seemed like the most intellectually impoverished kid in class.

Everybody else had their hands up in the air like the smarty-pants geeks in your political science class — “Oooh, call on me, call on me, oooh, oooh!” — while Bloomberg, out there on the edge of the debate lineup, seemed oddly removed from the frenzy, as though thinking, “They’re all trying to impress the teacher, but I’ll just buy her a new Cadillac at report card time. Yeah, that oughta work.”

Much of the debate had a kind of breathless quality to it. TheDems seemed to have checked their composure at the door. The whole bunch of themcouldn’t wait to take their shot at Mike out there on the fringe, who seemed sodisinterested that he didn’t even bother to defend himself.

If you think he looked overmatched, disengaged and in overhis head, consider this: the guy went through hours and hours of coaching.

He knew all the other Dems would be gunning for him. He knewwhat the issues were. He knew the previously held “secrets” they’d be bringingout of the shadows — and yet he seemed utterly incapable of defending himself,save for one or two moments.

I kept imagining Donald Trump perched by one of histelevision sets, rubbing his hands together, watching his opponents snipe ateach other as they self-destructed en masse.

Bloomberg’s capable of getting off a good line here and there (probably when somebody’s handed it to him). The other day, when Trump called him “Little Michael” and mocked his short stature, Bloomberg said, “Where I come from, they judge your height from the neck up.”

Beautiful! It was the remark of a street-smart kid arisen from humble beginnings on the strength of his smarts, totally unlike the millionaire president whose father kept increasing his allowance whenever he tapped out.

Where was thatBloomberg at the debate? The best line he got off was aimed at Bernie Sanders,“the best-known socialist in the country who happens to be a millionaire withthree houses. Am I missing something here?”

If there was an overarching anti-Bloomberg theme, it was the one about him using his money to try to buy the election. But why didn’t Bloomberg turn his dough into a plus? After all, Americans like money, they like success and they admire rich people who try to help others.

Like Bloomberg giving all that money to Johns Hopkins University. That’s just a small part of his giving. He’s reportedly spread nearly $7 billion across various charities throughout the years. He’s put his money where his mouth is — into the fight against climate change, into education, into gun control.

Speaking of which, how do you hold a debate in Las Vegas and forget to talk about guns? This was where 58 people were killed, 413 wounded and 869 injured in the ensuing panic in October of 2017 in the worst mass shooting in history.

And it went almost unmentioned all night long.

The Democrats were too busy aiming at each other, and most specifically at Michael Bloomberg, who found out $60 billion might still buy an election but it can’t even buy a down payment on a personality.

A former Baltimore Sun columnist and WJZ-TV commentator, Michael Olesker is the author of six books. His most recent, “Front Stoops in the Fifties: Baltimore Legends Come of Age,” was reissued in paperback by the Johns Hopkins University Press.